The Princess and the Stinky Cheese

I always have a blast with Susanna Leonard Hill's seasonal contests which offer both the inspiration to write and a fun block party atmosphere with a great community of writers. 

The March Madness Contest: Write a children's story, in poetry or prose, maximum 400 words, that is a fractured fairy tale.  You can post entries until Monday March 24 at midnight. 

So fracture a fairy tale and come play! I'll be bringing a stinky cheese plate...

The Princess and the Stinky Cheese

By Lauri C Meyers

"If you don't find a princess to marry soon," the Queen said, "I'll be forced to give the crown to the dog."

"Mother, your ridiculous "true princess" tests are the problem," Prince Plumbottom whined. "Let's see. Merida didn't feel the grain of rice in her pillow."

"Snored like a bear."

"Fiona couldn't taste donkey snot in her soup."

"Gobbled it down like a dragon."

"Even if a princess passed your test," Prince Plumbottom said, "Princesses are so boring. I want to marry a daring lass!"

"Very well, son. We will look for a true princess who is also daring. I know just the right test."

"Here comes a girl now, and she has a branch in her hair!" he clapped his hands. "This young woman has had an adventure."

The prince skipped over to the soaking wet maiden.  

"Hello, I'm Prince Plumbottom."

"Hello, I'm Princess Peabody," she said. "I was tracking a rattlesnake, but I fell into the river and now I'm quite lost."

"A rattlesnake? How daring!" the prince squealed. "Won't you join us for lunch?"

Princess Peabody wiped her muddy face with a napkin. She was about to blow her nose, but stopped when she heard the Queen whisper "Stinky Cheese Test" to the prince. She had heard of queens like this.  

"Cheese, dear?" the Queen asked.

"Oh, it's a lovely green," Princess Peabody said. "But it's not nearly stinky enough."

The prince beamed.

The Queen thumped on the table. "Cook! Bring the stinkier cheese!"

The cook held a handkerchief over her nose and presented the stinkier cheese.

"Yummy. It smells like an ogre's shoe," the princess said. "But my Kingdom has much stinkier cheese."

The Queen's face turned red. "Guards! Find the stinkiest cheese in the land!"

The knights returned with a metal trunk which smelled like a dragon's armpit.

"Open it!" the Queen commanded.

(Happy Dog by vikush via sxc.hu
with cheese by halifaxsxc via sxc.hu)

The knights closed their armor masks and reached with a sword to open the chest.  The stench was so horrific, so terrible, so... stinky that everyone fainted.

Everyone except Princess Peabody.

She fed the stinky cheese to the royal dog who didn't mind the smell at all. Then she blew her nose, finally clearing it of river mud.

The Queen came to and saw the empty cheese plate. "A true princess!"

Prince Plumbottom declared, "A daring princess!"

Burp! The dog agreed.

And they all lived stinkily ever after.