Thursday, March 20, 2014

The Princess and the Stinky Cheese

I always have a blast with Susanna Leonard Hill's seasonal contests which offer both the inspiration to write and a fun block party atmosphere with a great community of writers. 

The March Madness Contest: Write a children's story, in poetry or prosemaximum 400 words, that is a fractured fairy tale.  You can post entries until Monday March 24 at midnight. 
So fracture a fairy tale and come play! I'll be bringing a stinky cheese plate...


The Princess and the Stinky Cheese

By Lauri C Meyers

"If you don't find a princess to marry soon," the Queen said, "I'll be forced to give the crown to the dog."

"Mother, your ridiculous "true princess" tests are the problem," Prince Plumbottom whined. "Let's see. Merida didn't feel the grain of rice in her pillow."

"Snored like a bear."

"Fiona couldn't taste donkey snot in her soup."

"Gobbled it down like a dragon."

"Even if a princess passed your test," Prince Plumbottom said, "Princesses are so boring. I want to marry a daring lass!"

"Very well, son. We will look for a true princess who is also daring. I know just the right test."

"Here comes a girl now, and she has a branch in her hair!" he clapped his hands. "This young woman has had an adventure."

The prince skipped over to the soaking wet maiden.  

"Hello, I'm Prince Plumbottom."

"Hello, I'm Princess Peabody," she said. "I was tracking a rattlesnake, but I fell into the river and now I'm quite lost."

"A rattlesnake? How daring!" the prince squealed. "Won't you join us for lunch?"

Princess Peabody wiped her muddy face with a napkin. She was about to blow her nose, but stopped when she heard the Queen whisper "Stinky Cheese Test" to the prince. She had heard of queens like this.  

"Cheese, dear?" the Queen asked.

"Oh, it's a lovely green," Princess Peabody said. "But it's not nearly stinky enough."

The prince beamed.

The Queen thumped on the table. "Cook! Bring the stinkier cheese!"

The cook held a handkerchief over her nose and presented the stinkier cheese.

"Yummy. It smells like an ogre's shoe," the princess said. "But my Kingdom has much stinkier cheese."

The Queen's face turned red. "Guards! Find the stinkiest cheese in the land!"

The knights returned with a metal trunk which smelled like a dragon's armpit.

"Open it!" the Queen commanded.

(Happy Dog by vikush via sxc.hu
with cheese by halifaxsxc via sxc.hu)
The knights closed their armor masks and reached with a sword to open the chest.  The stench was so horrific, so terrible, so... stinky that everyone fainted.

Everyone except Princess Peabody.

She fed the stinky cheese to the royal dog who didn't mind the smell at all. Then she blew her nose, finally clearing it of river mud.

The Queen came to and saw the empty cheese plate. "A true princess!"

Prince Plumbottom declared, "A daring princess!"

Burp! The dog agreed.

And they all lived stinkily ever after. 

40 comments:

  1. What a funny fracture of the Princess and the Pea, Lauri...I love it...stinky cheese and all.:)
    And what a brave and clever princess...she totally fooled the queen. Aren't Susanna's contests a blast!

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    1. Her contests are always fun! Lots of freedom but with just enough direction to get you started.

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  2. Hahaha! Great job, Lauri! I love your version of the Princess And The Pea! So fairy-tale-perfect that she would have mud up her nose to keep her from fainting! And I love the cheese being stinkier than an ogre's shoe or a dragon's armpit. Clever and fun! Thanks so much for joining in the springtime writing madness! :)

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    1. I figured with all the fire breathing and those heavy wings, a dragon would be pretty sweaty which would give him odoriferous pits:0

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  3. Very stinky indeed. Well done. :)

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    1. Thank you! It took awhile to write since I passed out for awhile when the really stinky cheese came out:)

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  4. Well written. Jon Scieszka would be proud.

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  5. WONDERFUL story. Love the idea that the Princess had heard of Queens like that. I could see her rolling her eyes!!

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    1. You know the type, having unreasonable expectations and ruthlessly getting her way.

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  6. Yes, Joanne, Jon Scieszka would be proud! This was a great take on the silly old Princess and the Pea!

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  7. I think they should have crowned the dog! Great story!

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    1. Oh Jo! You're right. She could've said "thanks for the cheese. But I'm not marrying a prince who skips!" Then she would have no choice but to crown the dog.

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  8. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I love it! I love the mud in the nose part! ;) :)

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    1. Well last time I was tracking a rattlesnake and fell into a river, my nose and ears and toe jams were full of the stuff.

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  9. Poor Princess Peabody! Not sure I would want to marry into a family that would serve donkey snot soup. LOL kids will love this.

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    1. It's delightful, you can hardly taste the snot!!

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  10. I'm sorry . . . this STINKS!!!

    In all the best ways. Great job.

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  11. Great title and great story Lauri. I loved it. Very funny. Stinky cheese is always a hit!

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    1. My sister in law has gotten into a habit of bringing stinky cheese when she visits. Each time it gets stinker ! The last one stunk up the whole house for a week.

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  12. This reeks of great humor! Love it, Lauri!

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    1. Humor helped me focus because I have a bad habit of over complicating plots. I tried to edit out anything not adding humor.

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  13. "Dragon's armpit". I love it! Thanks for the laughs.

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    1. You know it would be hot and sweaty in there :)

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  14. Daring, for sure! Love her and the little dog!

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    1. I don't know what the dog is up to on all the pages, but I'm sure it's hilarious!

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  15. I love the name Plumbottom! And I now have to wonder what a dragon's armpit smells like!

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    1. Yeah, he's not very macho, so Plumbottom felt right!

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  16. I love this! Clever! Ang Prince Plumbottom is funny. I love his excitement. My skatboard princess Katarina would be a daring match for your prince. I love cheese! Gouda, Fontina, Havarti, Feta, etc, etc. I'm also wondering about dragon's armpits!

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    1. Totally! But I betcha Prince Plumbottom would be way too chicken to try the halfpipe. Mumsy might not even want him to get hurt:)

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  17. Hahahha! That was one stinky story. :-)

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  18. Lauri I'm sorry I missed reading yours earlier. I can't stop laughing. You are soooo funny! I love this story. Congrats on making it in the finals wahooo!

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    1. Thanks Jennifer! I had fun writing it too. I've been trying to push my boundaries a little further into the world of wacky and stinky:)

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  19. Lauri, I adore this story. So clever and funny and out there - right up my alley! You got my vote in the finals!

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    1. Yay! Thank you Renee. I don't know why, but I feel like I need to go work on a rhyming picture book since you voted for me!

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**All comments are moderated to avoid attacks by pesky pirates and roving dragons!**

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