Hey there, My First Manuscript. [Casually punches manuscript in shoulder and smiles uneasily]
We need to talk.
|I Love You Not|
(image by nubuck via sxc.hu)
We've had this off again, on again relationship for a long time now. You and I both know this isn't going to work out. I mean, I love your humor and sweetness, but it's time we end this thing.
It's not you- it's me.
I will always adore your cute anthropomorphic characters, but you know society frowns on them. I'm tired of having to cover up our secret.
But it's not you- it's me.
I've grown a lot in the last year. Sure, my word selection and dialogue skills have improved, but I can't fix you. It's not fair to you. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are. [Mumbles under breath] I doubt you'll actually find anyone who does, but you never know.
But again it's me, not you.
In fact it's my growing skills that are making me see you in a new light. All your flaws- your flat characters, your sagging middle, your anti-climatic climax- are so obvious now, and I just can't help but obsess over them.
No, I didn't mean it like that. It's not you. It's just that I crave excitement, and you're a tad boring. Not boring in a bad way, umm, boring in a quiet way.
Now, don't start preaching your "if we cooperate, we can solve this problem together" moral. No one likes a didactic message shoved down her throat- this is one of the reasons this is never going to work.
[Wraps arms around manuscript] You'll always be my first love, and I'll never forget how much we've learned together. I hope you'll remember that when I shove you into the bottom of this drawer.
[Closes drawer silently] I know I should delete you, shred you, but how could I be so cruel? Plus maybe one night I'll be woozy from Sharpie fumes, and you'll be back in my arms again.
Any other break ups out there? Oh, how did it go so wrong?