Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Uncle Alfred's Apple Pie - Susanna Hill Fourth of July Contest

Susanna Hill is hosting the 4th Of July Secret Mystery Writing Contest. I can never resist her short story contests, especially when she gives us plenty of time to allow my procrastination to shine and a word limit which causes the homicide of several characters (my apologies bossy Emma and hungry Kenny.)
ThContest:  Write a children's story, in poetry or prosemaximum 400 words 
about the 4th of July in which a secret is revealed or a mystery is solved!



Uncle Alfred's Apple Pie
By Lauri C. Meyers

            "Happy Fourth!" Uncle Alfred said.
            Jaden jumped up to see what exciting treat her world-traveling uncle brought to the party this year.
            "What did you bring?" she asked.
            "Apple pie," he said.
            "Apple pie?" Jaden said. "Not Tabasco fried crickets? Not squid jello? Not tofu frog legs that taste like chicken?"
            "Your mom asked for apple pie," he said.
            Jaden realized he wasn’t carrying a pie. Maybe it was an apple pie so exotic, he hid it! She peeked through his car windows, but she didn't see an apple pie.
(image by Robert Linder via sxc.hu)
    
    Jaden returned to her flag decorations.
    "Argh, they keep falling over!" she said.
    "Try this," Uncle Alfred said. The ball of dough held the flag up perfectly. It also smelled good, so Jaden tried a nibble. The saltiness reminded her of the hidden apple pie.
     Jaden snuck to the kitchen. She found her bubbles, but no apple pie.
          



(image by milan6 via sxc.hu)
         She tried to blow bubbles.   
         "Ick, bubbles on my lips," she said.
         "Try this," Uncle Alfred said sprinkling something in the bubbles. Jaden blew a bubble which glittered in the sun. She caught a sparkly bubble on her tongue. The sweetness reminded her of the hidden apple pie.
         Jaden checked the dessert table- cake, cookies, and jello (without squid), but no apple pie.


(image by calderilla via sxc.hu)
       Boom! Boom! Fireworks popped overhead. But instead of sparks of light, apple slices exploded in the sky. Jaden bit into one slightly roasted apple, which reminded her of the hidden apple pie.
       "Uncle Alfred, where's the apple pie?!" Jaden cried.
       "Sorry, Jaden. I made your mom's pie recipe and put it in a bag," Uncle Alfred said. "But it was so boring, I hid it."  Jaden smiled. It was hidden!
       


        "What do you mean "in a bag?" Mom asked.  
        "Your recipe," Uncle Alfred pulled out a recipe card. "6 apples (sliced), pie dough, ½ cup sugar and ½ teaspoon cinnamon. I put everything in a bag."
         "How long did you bake it?" Mom asked.
         "Bake it?" Alfred asked.
         Jaden turned the card over. "Place dough in pan. Add apples, cinnamon, and sugar and cover with dough. Bake for 60 minutes"
         "Oh, that doesn't sound boring," Uncle Alfred said.
         "Where is this bag of pie now?" Mom asked.
         "I know!" Jaden said, "He hid dough under the flags, hid cinnamon-sugar in the bubbles, and hid apple slices in the fireworks. It wasn’t a boring apple pie after all, Uncle Alfred!"

Happy 4th of July everyone!

50 comments:

  1. Aw! Uncle Alfred reminds me of some of my own uncles, so full of mischief. It's funny, but I just bought sour cream and onion flavored crickets at a candy shop just yesterday because they looked positively disgusting so of course I wanted to make everyone try one. Fun story, Laurie!

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    1. Yum, sour cream and onion crickets? I bet those have a delightful crunch.

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  2. What a fun uncle to have! Mmmm...apple pie....we have a bumper crop of apples this year and if the deer don't get them all, I hope to make apple pie in the fall. Thanks for a sweet story with a tasty surprise!

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    1. Well, I'm heading to visit my mom in Ohio tonight, so I think I have homemade apple pie on the brain. She usually makes me my own one because that is one thing I'm terrible at sharing.

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  3. Apple pie is one of my all-time favorites.:) Fun story, Lauri...and now they can make apple pie together.:)

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    1. Vivian, I like that idea! Hmm, can I rework that ending for the tenth time...

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  4. I think every family has an Uncle Alfred -- and thank goodness for that!

    This is a fantastic story, Lauri (but this comes as no surprise)! Your story, however, has no poop jokes. Now THAT'S a surprise!

    Nonetheless, I am delighted by the idea of squid jello. I can only hope that some time soon an illustrator will do this delicacy justice.

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    1. You just can't always get a good poop joke in with a 400 word limit! Enjoy your squid jello instead!

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  5. What a great story! All because he didn't turn the recipe card over -- his pie was definitely not boring!

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    1. Those fancy world travelers don't have time to turn recipe cards over!

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  6. Replies
    1. Thanks Erik! Mystery is not my genre, so I had to stretch.

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  7. You had me at:
    "Not Tabasco fried crickets? Not squid jello? Not tofu frog legs that taste like chicken?" :mrgreen:



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    1. Yes,they must have had some fun parties in previous years!

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  8. Great story, Lauri! Very clever mystery :) Uncle Alfred sounds like my kind of guy... I could totally not realize the recipe continued too! I'm sorry the word count cause the homicide of several characters - I had the same problem so I commiserate :) Thanks for a terrific entry!

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    1. Thanks Susanna! I figure you would turn the card over to figure out why there was no chocolate, because every recipe should have a little.

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  9. What fun. I need an Uncle Alfred,I never tasted Tabasco fried crickets, squid jello ort tofu frog legs that taste like chicken! :(

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    1. There must be some master tofu chef out there who can make tofu taste like anything, right?!

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  10. Cute story, Lauri! Squid jello--yuck; however my husband does eat squid and octopus!

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    1. Tina, I don't mind squid and octopus. Except a couple months ago I put a baby octopus on my plate at a buffet to show the kids. I didn't really plan on eating it, because it was a whole one with head and eight legs and all. Then I realized that little guy gave his whole life for me! So I ate him, and he was delicious. ;)

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  11. I am also surprised at the lack of poop jokes and tummy rumbles and tumbles leading to some serious belching. But, as always, I love your story.

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    1. After licking bubbles and eating firecracker apples, I'm pretty sure Jaden is going to have some tummy rumbles tonight!

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  12. Absolutely wonderful! So creative. I love apple pie, I'd have been trying to catch a firework.

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    1. That would be the ultimate camping treat- just bring your apple pie firecracker, light it, and let warm apple pie rain down into your mouth!

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  13. What a fun story! And very clever. :-) I love the Tabasco fried crickets, squid jello and tofu frog legs. lol! Great job, Lauri. I really enjoyed it.

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    1. Too bad Mom had to rain on the fun by asking uncle Alfred to bring something normal this year. He showed her!

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  14. I adore this! You are so naturally talented with humor. I wish I could be as funny as you in my stories! :)

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    1. Well I imagined Uncle Alfred with wild white hair sticking out everywhere like Einstein. He's smart about the world, but maybe not so good at everyday things like turning over recipe cards and knowing what's appropriate to bring to Fourth of July parties. So he came up with the humor!

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  15. Everybody should have an Uncle Alfred (but the squid jello? Not so much.) :-)

    Fun story with great use of all the senses--And now I really want some apple pie!

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    1. Well they both jiggle a little, so it didn't seem too far off! Thank you- I want pie too!

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  16. The uncle sounds like a unique fellow (not sure about the crickets or squid - that explains why he thought apple pie was boring!)

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    1. I had some exposition early on where mom called him "eccentric" and an "odd bird," which just made it clear to jaden why he brought pickled quail eggs a few years ago (taking the bird part literally of course,) but I had to cut, cut, cut to make weight!

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  17. I smiled from beginning to end while reading this story. What a great job! The uncle is so amusing. Love it!

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    1. You're too kind Pam! Well not too kind. Just right kind. And I thank you very much for reading!

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  18. Love this story. You are super creative. And this mystery was very well thought out.

    P.S. I had an Uncle Alfred. Only his name was Uncle Bobby.

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    1. Thank you so much!
      P.S. time to dish- tell me about Uncle Bobby's antics!

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  19. YIKES. My comment flew the coop. Sheesh! I really enjoyed your mystery. It made me smile. And laugh too. I love stories like this.

    I had an Uncle Alfred. His name was Uncle Bobby. ;-)

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    1. Sorry Robyn (and Susanna and anyone else who thought their comments disappeared)! I had to turn on comments moderation due to the naughty spammers :(. So if it looks like it disappear its just waiting for me to click it through!

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  20. A truly unique fireworks display. Good work, Lauri!

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    1. Thank you Jarm! I couldn't help thinking yesterday as the fireworks were booming in the sky that a few flying apples would be a delightful surprise!

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  21. Replies
    1. Thanks Laura! Mystery isn't a genre I read much so it was tricky but good practice!

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  22. Replies
    1. Thank you! I'd like to explore this idea of siblings grown up interacting in ways that mirror sibling children. I think I could have some fun with that!

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  23. Hah! So funny and clever. I loved your story, Lauri!

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    1. Thanks Pam! Your fireworks love story was sweet too!

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  24. Funny and clever! Uncle Alfred is quite a character :•) Nice job!

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    1. I wish I could've found a proper picture of the uncle Alfred in my head (or had the skills to doodle him!). Or if I could've been greedy and taken a few more words to express his eccentricity in dialogue, but I try not to be greedy!

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  25. Your culinary concoctions are hilarious and the character of Uncle Alfred is a winner. I'd love to see more Uncle Alfred stories!

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    1. You know, I heard a news report the other day that 80% of the worlds population eats insects! We're really a minority.

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**All comments are moderated to avoid attacks by pesky pirates and roving dragons!**

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