What Did You Do at Work Today?

"Hi, honey, how was your day?"

I used to answer, "I read 137 emails about nothing, nodded abstractly in a bunch of meetings, made a killer multi-colored spreadsheet, ate chicken fingers at my desk then tried to airspray the breading out of my keyboard,  ..."

Fast forward to today.   "Hey, babe, whad'ya do today?" 

I answer, "I studied the sounds downy woodpeckers make, which includes a "whinnying call" if you were wondering.   I practiced speaking squirrel: "kuk, kuk, chitter, tail flash!"  I laugh hysterically then remember my husband doesn't speak squirrel fluently and didn't get the punch line.  

"I crawled to the kitchen to make lunch, because I couldn't find the right words to describe an anteater hunting ants.  Then, I hocked a few loogies into the sink to try to create the sound a giant would make when he stepped on a pointed-hat-wearing elf.   Oh, frookberries!"

I was too far down the potty humor
path on this post to resist this pic.
(Goker Can Yilmaz via sxc.hu)
"What's wrong?"  he says.

"I was so busy, I didn't even get to my Google search for digestive sounds." My shoulders fall as I stir the taco meat on the stove. 

"Fart, stinker, poot, toot, burp," he says.  I stir faster and steal a glance at the kitchen table.  "Growling, rumble in my bung hole, bowel explosions."

"Let me grab some paper!" I yell.  I write furiously with my right hand and try to stir with my left (which is similar to rubbing your belly and patting your head at the same time.)

"Gastric gurgles, sphincter shutting, crackling acidic assault..."

"Who needs Google with you around!"  I smile serving my potty-vocabulary-expert-spouse some counter-clockwise stirred tacos.  "I hope these don't cause any bowel explosions tonight."

Writing is fabulous, but the "research" for children's books really makes the job worth it. 

What have you been researching lately?

P.S.  Thanks to Athena Hernandez for publishing this post in Aspiring Authors Daily!

Comments

  1. Considering your FAWT acronym, it sounds as if you have the perfect marriage.

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    1. I really just need to embrace my inner 10-year-old boy (ewww, that sounds bad) and start writing some middle grade booger and fart infested stories!

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  2. Best laugh I had all day. Thank you Lauri!!!

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    1. I'm happy to help. I still snort every time I think of bowel explosions. I wish I could say "who in the world has bowel explosions?" with a condescending air...but I think we've all been there at least once. Two words: Thai food.

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  3. Omg that was funny ! I've been studyimg the colors on the sky on days that are not rainy, but still lacking sun. After days without sun, who needs google ?

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    1. Lucky you! I'm sitting here mentally weakened by 5 days of gray, and you're happy as a lark researching smoky, foggy, dismal, cloud-looming, gray days... Could you hurry up with your research though and let the gods know the sun can come back out?

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  4. This is too hilarious. And I'm soooo jealous. I currently have a job that goes something like: Make a killer mutli-colored spreadhseet, eat chicken fingers at desk, try to airspray breading from keyboard. LOL

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    1. Ooh ooh do this tomorrow: Get an alcohol wipe or one of those electronics wipes and clean your phone. Disgusting, right???

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  5. This entire post (an it's comments) have me laughing out loud. You guys are all hilarious!

    Thanks for that Lauri, no wonder you are a great addition to our crit group!

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    1. Lisa - thanks for dropping by for some potty humor! I'm still giggling about 'bowel explosions.' Our crit group is amazing- thank you so much for all you do!

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