It has been a rough week. I was diagnosed with "Mommy Multiple Personality Disorder." The psychiatrist found seven personalities. Let me introduce them to you:
|"I want the cream cheese ON TOP |
of the jelly. DO IT AGAIN MOM!"
Giant Exploding Blueberry Monster - This mommy cannot. Listen. To. Whining. Anymore. If you ask for the cheese balls one more time, Mommy monster's face will turn blue, her muscles will bulge out of yoga pants, and her mouth will explode in a fit of indecipherable yelling.
Super Wife - Husband is greeted at the door by the aroma of lobster tail with risotto, a perfectly poured beverage, and a sweet peck on the lips. The house is miraculously clean, so husband can relax and play with his well-behaved children.
Stretched Thin as a Pin - During especially stressful weeks, this mommy is actually made of glass. She appears to be super mommy until one wrong move causes the needle to scratch across the record (can I still use that metaphor?). Did husband seriously just ask if he can run to the golf store the night before the birthday party while I am making 72 cupcakes? Oh, no he didn't.
Rapping Mary Poppins - This mommy just blasts through the day on a non-stop giggle train. Every activity is set to a silly song and clean up is a dance party. She even serves spoons full of sugar without any medicine.
The Lady Who Hired Mary Poppins - Would you two like to watch a show? Mommy is just going to do one thing on the computer or perhaps write a novel. In the other room. By herself. For as long as you two stay quiet.
Cuddle Wuddle Lovey Dovey Mommy Bear - Just loving on these girls. They are so unbelievably adorable. Mommy Bear wants to tickle every thigh and smooch every cheek. She breathes in all their little baby smells and holds them tight so they don't slip away or grow up while she is not looking.
It is going to be tough to live with this new diagnosis. I take comfort in having a name now for what I have been feeling. Though there are no known cures, the doctor suggested I chill out a little, enjoy fresh-washed kid aromatherapy, and a daily dose of kisses. I’m going to go get me some kisses right now.
Does anyone else out there suffer from this disorder? Perhaps we can start a support group in the comments. J